I am learning how Love, Kindness, Compassion and Tolerance can healthily navigate with, through and around overt and/or covert narcissists and even simply strong personal opposition we occasionally encounter in our daily lives at work, at play, in social situations and on social media. This situation seems to present itself nowadays more often than not.
Recent world events have offered up a powerful and valuable “Public Service Announcement” for the very real personality disorder of narcissism. It is important to note that simply because one disagrees with you, has a controlling nature, is detached or self-centered does not necessarily classify them as borderline, anti-social, a sociopath, a psychopath or a narcissist.
The term “narcissism” and “narcissist” have become quite commonplace lately, a familiar umbrella diagnosis from the armchair to professional psychologist. It is my understanding that narcissism is difficult to define with cookie-cutter/elementary labels as every day more research reveals its greater depth and this condition spans a VAST spectrum of multiple degrees. A common factor of narcissism is a very clear lack of empathy for others.
I am no expert, nor am I perfect – on the contrary, I have made colossal and crushing mistakes, I have been selfish and behaved dreadfully in the past, I have caused others pain directly and indirectly, consciously and subconsciously and have found that through my own pain (much of it self induced), I have earned and learned a teeny tiny bit of personal bit of wisdom that I can apply to my own life. I often share with you here that I am a dedicated student of Theosophy.
Some helpful bullet points
- If one’s behaviour is hurtful or harmful to any being or myself, I must set healthy boundaries. I will ‘say what I mean, but not say it mean’ and I believe that true compassion means standing up for what is right and for the good of all concerned.
- There is a difference between being compassionate and allowing myself or anyone else to become a victim.
- When faced with narcissistic or abusive behaviour, we are offered important and amazing opportunities to fine-tune our compassion, love, tolerance, kindness and discernment.
- We will never be able to control anyone or anything, only our actions, reactions and sometimes our environment.
- Just because you’ve been given a back stage pass and front row seats for the ultimate “Shakespeare Festival” of drama does it mean that you have to attend the show. You have every right to refuse to participate.
Personally, I still feel a crushing and deep love for all of humanity ~ for all beings.
I try to remember that everyone has a back story, a reason and maybe even pain and deep fear behind their emotions and behaviours and passions; I try to remember to focus on the person behind that passion, and it is that person that I love, not their behaviour ~ nor does loving them mean I have to stay captive. I also will not and cannot condone or tolerate hate or hurt to or for anyone or anything else.
If you are unsure or have an aversion to or about any of this and have no beliefs outside of the confines of the physical world whatsoever, that’s fine too: May I suggest just pay close attention to ~ and base your actions on the vibration/frequency of positive feelings, which feel higher, pleasant and good. Negative feelings and behaviour (fear/hate) operate at a lower vibration/frequency and the effects feel far more uncomfortable. This inner perception operates for each and every one of us, regardless of “race, creed, sex, caste or colour”.
I have included some links below that may help to shine some much-needed light on the subject of narcissism. Richard Grannon has put together a brilliant video on ways to identify the behaviour of a covert narcissist.
https://www.youtube.com/shared?ci=LndMZH2NLLM – Richard Grannon
Self proclaimed spiritual leaders/goddesses/gurus can be very dangerous narcissists that feed upon the vulnerable ~ this is a good and necessary read for those who can and choose to see.
I have also listed some suggested Theosophical texts for study and application; they are, but are not limited to:
Bp Wadia: “Studies in the Secret Doctrine http://www.theosophy-ult.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Studies-In-The-Secret-Doctrine.pdf
Light on the path – M.C.
Bhagavad-Gita – WQJ commentary https://www.theosophytrust.org/Online_Books/Bhagavad-Gita_V1.5.pdf
Voice of the Silence – Blavatsky http://www.hermetics.org/pdf/theosophy/H.P._Blavatsky_-_Voice_of_the_Silence.pdf
The teachings of Pythagoras
The Timaeus of Plato: http://www.math.upatras.gr/~streklas/public_html/timaeusofplato00platiala.pdf